Tuesday, May 01, 2012

C'mon - I'm not THAT gay.

“Look,” I told Ruthie now, “I don’t want to be that guy, okay? The gay guy. The token homosexual..."


So, I'm gay. I don't know if I've said that on the blog before or not but it's out there on the Internets somewhere. People in real life know too and oddly enough THEY'RE the ones that are bugging me. It's not that I'm being discriminated against or hassled or bullied. That doesn't happen. It certainly doesn't happen twice. *grin*
So, I meet someone for the first time and we know each other for a while and that's fine. Then a friend of mine comes up and says, within an hour, something about my being gay. It doesn't even really fit into the conversation so much as it's a comment. Maybe to show how hip they are that they know "a gay" or how OK with it they are or what. I've got no idea. But I know in at least two cases I've had the new person I met say to me later, "I didn't know you were gay, hadn't thought you were gay, and while it's OK(1) and all... it was just a little awkward to have that thrown out there like that so soon on meeting you." OK. That's not verbatim but it's the gist of what was said twice.
I'm not ashamed of who I am at all. It's not that I'm necessarily closeted, I'm not. But I don't think my sexuality is appropriate conversation when I'm just meeting someone, unless I'm trying to hook up with them (and I'm off the market so that's not really an issue either.) I think it's just rude. I'm not offended by it so much as I would rather that the new people I meet form an opinion of me that isn't based on who I love. I'm a little over being the token gay.
Among friends I'll make comments or jokes or observations that I wouldn't make among new people. But it's like that with a lot of things, not just my sexuality. I wouldn't talk about other people's private lives in the first hour I meet someone they've only just met. Private issues, like sexuality, politics, religion, prior criminal background, stance on drugs, etc... Those aren't really great topics for conversation when first meeting someone in my opinion.
So, if you know a gay, let them decide who and when to talk about it. It's their decision. Or rather, it's OUR decision.


"When I started writing about myself, I waited as long as I could before I told you I was gay, because once you reveal that, it seems like it’s all anyone can think about."

(1) I love how often ppl say "It's OK" or "It's your choice and that's OK" and they're really not meaning it in a bad way at all but it sounds hinky to my ears. a) I know it's OK and b) I'm pretty sure I didn't choose it.
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