What's Next?

For 19 years I've been working for the same company. Last Thursday that came to an end when I was made redundant in a redistricting that left no room for me in the company as it was restructured.

While it was happening I was watching myself and my reactions from the inside as if from the outside, curious how I would react to it happening even as it happened. That detachment is/was probably a defense mechanism at the time... a sort of shock I'm sure. It's been two days but my schedule hasn't appreciably changed. I'd scheduled the time off anyway and today's Saturday so my life hasn't been impacted yet in any real way.

I was really quite humbled by the reactions of my employees and co-workers and it was an honor and a blessing to work with them. They are all really good people with whom it was a pleasure to work. I appreciate their hard work and wish them the best in the future under the new organization chart.

There are three questions I am asked as I see people and they find out that I was fired:
1) "Are they nuts, why?"
2) "Are you okay?" and
3) "What are you doing to do now?"

Are they nuts, why?
I've already said why they did it which only leaves did the company make the right decision? I am tempted to say "no" that I'm the better choice for the position. Obviously I think I'm a great employee but the person who got the job was once my boss and my co-worker and he's a good man who does a good job. If I had to choose between him or me for the position as it is right now I think they made the right choice. Not because he's better at the job than I am. He's not. We're both good in different ways. But his willingness to travel is greater than mine. I would do it grudgingly and he will do it willingly. They made the right choice.

Am I okay?
Yeah. I'm good. I reserve the right to be not okay later. But for now, yeah. I'm okay. I have my moments. When I went to Walgreen's and reached for my debit card and didn't see my company American Express in there I had a moment of poignant sadness. That card's been there a lot of years. It won't ever be again. I plan on taking guitar lessons and working on some writing. Whatever job I take will not have the travel involved in the last job so I'll have more time at home and that means more time for writing and a new hobby. I like that idea.

What am I going to do now?
That's the harder one. I have no idea. I haven't seriously entertained the idea of working somewhere else in years. I have  had employees that were born after I started working for the company I was working for. I didn't think of it as a job but as a career. One I was happy in/with. So, now I need to know what I'm doing next. Will it be retail? I love retail. I really do. But do I want to jump back on that horse right now? Is it a good idea to have a break in my resume? It's not a very big resume of course, just one employer for almost 20 years. Granted there were several jobs within the company, some I liked more than others, but it is, after all, only one company. So, if I DO take a break and do something else how will that hurt my employability in the future? I don't know. Right now I don't care. I'm taking some time off for right now. Financially I'm okay. I've got savings and I'm pretty good at keeping expenses down. I'll be able to find something before I'm in financial distress. I'm confident of that.

So, my plan right now is that I don't have one yet. I'm taking a vacation. I'm due a vacation. When the vacation is over I'll get another job. If I'm lucky it'll be as good to me as the last one I had was.