Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Review: The Flash Crossover episode of Supergirl

I don't usually review TV shows. That's not my thing but I'm a huge fan of The Flash and have been watching Supergirl and giving it a chance to see if it turns into a good show. I've been looking forward to what they would do with this cross-network cross-over for a while now. The first one to air was the Supergirl episode that had Flash going to her world. What'd I think?

(SPOILERS -- Don't read if you haven't seen it!!!)

I hated it. I hated everything about it.

Barry Allen/The Flash, by himself, showed, by his contrast, how bad the acting and writing and story are in Supergirl. He was so much better than they were that it made their bad acting look even worse. It was painful to watch.

First Scene: Supergirl: Most powerful woman on the planet is introduced to perhaps new viewers having relationship problems and getting dating advice from Ally McBeal. That's like getting dinner party advice from Mary Tyler Moore. If you get that reference you're older than I am. But seriously. "Why can't I get him to like me?" is the driving force behind almost every B story line on Supergirl since the show started. It is a SHIT way to introduce her to new viewers. Pissed off already.

Introduction of The Flash? Annoying. He's a brilliant CSI and computer guy. But, sadly, OOPS! I ran to the wrong universe. OOPS! I ran clear out to North Dakota or some shit. WTH? Really? He oopsed himself into another universe? Ugh.

New Super-villain created: A female: What's the first thing she does? She does her make-up. Then she and the supervillain she frees from the most secure super-prison in the world, how? No clue how she got there, perhaps she used the PLOT DEVICE, the two of them, our heroes, take off, with no plan at Supergirl's insistence they go to fight the two baddies...

Remember super smart CSI hacker? Well, he attacks a villain with a name like LiveWire that uses electricity as a weapon WITH electricity. Charges her up so she can kick some butt. Which she does. So, Supergirl and The Flash are knocked down and what happens next? The most sexually charged scene in the show.
  • Does Supergirl use her heat vision to melt a hole in the villain's heart killing her instantly?
  • Does Supergirl use her super strength to punch the villain's head off her shoulders?
  • Does Supergirl use her ability to fly to whisk the villain off to outerspace and chuck her into the sun? 
  • Does Supergirl use... 
You know what? No. She doesn't do ANY of that. She uses her superbreath and gives a super blowjob to the chick obviously showing The Flash what he could have. He immediately responds by showing that he's quite adept at using both hands in a repeated oscillating motion rather than succumb to super blow-job. Then they leave.

What happens next? Well, she admitted to The Flash, that she just met, that not only is she crushed that she can't get a boy to like her, the whole city doesn't like her either and in spite of being super powerful... she just doesn't know what to do and she needs a man to help her and tell her what to do. Fortunately The Flash does just that and she, of course follows his advice because she, in spite of being Supergirl, always does what a man tells her to do.

There's a scene that desperately wants to be the subway scene from Spiderman 2 that makes me cry every time I see it but is, instead, just a shitty scene that is unbelievable and badly acted. Ending with the two super villains who consistently beat the hell out of Supergirl and The Flash being beaten by some men with a hose.

That's right. They turned the hose on them and beat them. I wish to hell I was kidding. I'm not. The solution for the villains that the Fastest Man Alive and The Most Powerful Woman on the Planet couldn't beat was to get them wet.

Ugh. Kill me now.
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