Waking up...

Last week at work was a little... tiring. The hours were long and varied and unpredictable and that wears on a person. I was at a store that is perfectly staffed with 8 employees. There were 3 when the manager left for vacation (It wasn't a real one, it was unavoidable and personal... she couldn't stay to clean up the mess.). That's no good. Guess who gets to try and be the manager as well as the remaining 5 employees AND try and help crew morale because obviously they were overworked doing horrible shifts as well? Wait! I also needed to hire and train at least 4 people while being positive, energetic, excited, and all that other good stuff. Oops. I blew the secret. It was me. :) I'm back to my home store now and the manager's back. She returned to a full crew, trained (1 still in training but doing well) and things should be going well there. So, why am I scared to death they're going to spiral out of control without me there? I get attached to crews/employees when I work in a store that long and that closely and it's hard to let go. I'm also very protective of my employees.

So, I've been home two nights now in my own bed and have been completely unable to get up the energy to do anything. Even my daily writing (I write every day rain or shine whether I feel like it or not) was mostly things along the lines of "Dear God I'm tired. I can't think. My brain is pudding. I should go to sleep. I'd do better with some rest. Oh man... I haven't hit my goal yet... It's been an hour and I don't have a page written? This is horrible."

I'm pleased to say that today, this morning, I feel much better. I'm not physically exhausted or emotionally pooped. That's the thing about those long hours and days and days of being positive, optimistic, helpful, outgoing, cheerful, etc for hours after I should have been in bed day after day... that takes energy. I don't know what kind of energy but it's an energy. And the crew can tell if you're faking it so you have to mean it... and it's hard to fake meaning it so you really DO have to mean it... and that's exhausting. I said emotionally but I think I mean mentally. It's some numinous kind of energy that a Snickers bar won't fix for me. I'm an introvert in real life, I'm only extroverted at work, so to recharge my batteries I need a long time alone with a book and a hot beverage. Maybe a video game. But just me, nobody else, not even nearby, like on the couch or something. I've had that for a few days now. I think I'll make it.

Did I say Snickers bar? Yeah. Yesterday I started doing the Atkins diet. The thing is I don't know enough about it so I started it like this, "OK. I'm not sure how many carbs I can have so I'll just not eat any." My total carb count for the day when I got to the house and put my food in the computer was 12. That's low lol. So, today is going to be better. I'm allowed up to 20 as long as they're the right kind. I can do that. I've brought my lunch. I'll run home for dinner and then it's off to an art show at my favorite coffee shop... where I'll have a hot tea sans sweetener.

Just in case that's not enough I'm doing the quitting smoking again. I figure between the lack of soda, lack of sugar or processed foods, and hugely lower carb intake my smoking urges will be lost in the misery so why not? That kind of works out though because part of Atkins is some exercise daily and I don't want a cigarette after I do cardio so I'll just walk a lot, briskly. I haven't decided if I'm going to pick up running or not. I'm going to focus on getting good walks in first, that'll get me used to the time it takes to run. I'm tired of saying I'm going to be running and then I do a few times and then peter out. It leaves me feeling like a chronic failure. So, instead I'm going to walk. Walk first, run second. That's what happened last time. It got to where walking wasn't enough so I started running. Maybe it'll work this time. Maybe not. I just need to make sure I'm getting in some cardio. I feel better when I do and saying, "RUN" and then not just left me feeling disappointed in myself all the time.

But, I'm awake and I'm doing some positive things, probably too many at once, but I'm not pudding-brained any more so that's good.