Saturday, July 02, 2011


I woke up last night around 2am and thought I heard something in the room. I decided it was the wind against the house. We'd been having pretty dramatic thunderstorms as I went to sleep. At 4am when I woke up again the sound was unmistakably in the room with me. It was the thwp thwp thwp sound of leathery wings. I opened my eyes as adrenaline dumped itself into my bloodstream jerking me from asleep to infrawake... an awake as beyond awake as infrared is beyond red. In the darkness of the room my eyes, the Optometrist said I have light eyes and better than average night vision because of it so I could discern in the 16 million greys of the room the shape of what could only be a bat flying around the room.

I reached over and turned on the lamp, trusting the light to drive it from the room. It did and I left, in a single adrenaline fueled motion from under the covers in bed to the door where I slammed it shut and turned on all the lights in my room. Grabbing a hoodie and my flannel pants I armored up, pulled the racquet ball racquet  out from under the bed and went into the dining room. First I stopped at the thing I have by the door to my bedroom, the little cabinet thing dad made. On top of it was a baseball cap. I snugged it onto my head and as I reached to open the door my eyes were drawn to the bill of the cap, a scant 3 inches in front of my eyes... I call it the bill of the baseball cap... I'm sure to a bat it looked like a landing spot, a roost, a perfect place to land after flying all over some weird geography out of which he could not escape. With a shudder I jerked the cap off my head as I imagined, quite vividly, the little winged rat hanging from the bill of my cap and staring at me, eye to eye across a distance of inches before he opens his mouth in an upside down grin, teeth glistening, wet from rabies filled saliva. *shudder*

The shape of the leathery winged sharp-toothed intruder was dashing back and forth from living to dining room. I darted forward and opened the door to the porch then went around and turned the light on in the kitchen as I went to the bathroom and turned the lights on in there and shut the door. My goal was to use the light to drive him out of the house and onto the porch. When I returned to the dining room he was gone. Unsure if he was hanging from the curtains in the living room or out on the porch I shut the door to the porch. "I can open it again later if I need to." I thought. "But I'll feel like an ass if he comes in off the porch." Now that I've lost him I search all the corners, walls, and where I can see on the curtains for the bat .I don't see him anywhere. I look under the cabinets over the counter and nothing. I don't find him anywhere. I retreat to my room, leaving all the lights on except in the living room... including the lights in my room. I roll a poster tube in front of the crack at the base of the door. I aim a fan at the door and turn it on. I've read somewhere they don't like drafts. There I lay in bed under covers, eyes peeled open waiting to hear him or his mate in the room with me. Finally I came down from my fear induced adrenaline rush and I pulled the covers over my head and went to sleep with all the lights and lamps on in my room.

I should clarify I'm OK with bats outside. Bats are wonderful things outside. They're fascinating creatures, navigating by sonar, eating their weight in bugs every twenty minutes or something like that... amazing animals. BUT. They're outside animals like camels or walrusi, or kangaroo. They don't belong in any house I'm in... and if I have the choice between being inside with 1 our outside with many I'll pick outside every time. Something about having them in the house with me makes me shudder just to think about it. I hate those things.

I often say things like, "I'm really doing better." or "I'm trying to do better." I won't lie. I didn't do better. I was freaked out and ready to go sleep in the car. I hate bats. I'm dreading going to the house tonight and wondering where it is. I keep whirling around to see if it's about to land on my shirt and ride me around like an Indian Mahout rides an elephant.
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