Left anti-social media

What I'd thought was a fairly innocuous post on Facebook prompted me to finally leave the platform. Sadly, I don't have a copy of the post. I forgot to grab a screen-grab of it and, well, I've left so I can't go get it. It was along the lines of, "I can't believe saying you wish the police would kill fewer people in their custody has become a controversial political statement."

I had several likes, loves, and cares reacts which was fine, but then I got...

• MaYBE peOplE shOuLDN't ReSISt ArrESt So Much.
• Can'T THey DeFEnD theMSelVeS?

My reaction on the day was very different than how this post reads. I was sad, depressed, and in an almost mourning state. People at work, several people commented that I looked like someone had died and asked if I was okay. I lied... I said I was. I wasn't. That hurt, not the words, but what I felt lay behind the words.

So, yeah. My comment that something as basic as wishing people weren't being killed turned into political talking points. Something I'd precisely said I found unbelievable. And there it was. I wasn't a person anymore, even to other people I liked. I was a sounding board for them to spew their agenda. I wasn't their friend or their family member. I was an audience for them to regurgitate their doctrine onto.

If that's what's social media is going to be during a double-whammy national crisis it can do it without me. If they see me only as someone to talk at and not someone to engage with, and by 'they' I mean more than the two I got replies from. It happens a lot. If they see me not as someone to listen to as well as engage with then I haven't got any real reason to spend my energy engaging with them.

That's normally a reason to remove someone from my stream, just block them and move on, not leave the place entirely. I'm aware of how the Internet works. You don't pick up your toys and go home every time someone says something you don't like. But this time it sort of hit harder because one of the people was my Mom.

I remember saying at one point that I felt like we'd be friends even if we weren't related. We have a lot in common. We like the same books, and enjoy the same things that we find relaxing. Our ideas of a good vacation line up pretty well. I genuinely enjoy visiting my parents and spent my vacations, of which I didn't get many because of the new job, visiting them. Well, did until the whole pandemic thing. I love them and I miss them.

But people change over time. Dad's been addicted to Fox News for years. I genuinely believe if they made a way to just get that on his TV he'd subscribe to that option instead of the other ones because I don't know if he watches anything but that, Survivor, and college football. And honestly, I feel like he's not the same person he was when I was growing up. I don't mean because I'm older or because he's older. I mean because anybody, ANYBODY, subjected to as much of a single viewpoint as that is going to change what they believe and they're going to believe it because it's all there is out there. No other viewpoints matter except the one the person is brainwashing themselves with. Mom lives in the same house. It's the same thing. There's only one viewpoint, period, ever.

Dad's not the only person who does it. Fox News came to exist because a lot of people felt other choices didn't represent their beliefs, their opinions. Particularly conservatives. So, Fox News filled that niche. Talk Radio filled that niche. And now there's a conservative echo chamber that reinforces itself so no other noise or opinion can get in and anyone who doesn't believe it is naive, stupid, and ill-informed.

The left isn't immune to that. Ever watched MSNBC? It's painfully left-leaning. But this isn't about the media. It's about Facebook. If you're curious how biased your news media source is go look here, like actually look and pay attention to what you're looking at. Try and think for yourself without just believing anything but your media choice is wrong. Get differing opinions from a variety of media sources even. But, at the least, look at the chart and read the axes. If you're going to subscribe to a particular propaganda at least do it with your eyes open.

Our current president has no interest in being president of the United States. He's president of his followers as long as they do what he tells them to. If they disagree with him they're fired. He's had the highest cabinet turn-over I can ever remember. Nobody lasts under him. They dissent and they're fired. He brooks no other voices but his own. And his followers, those who subscribe to his media of choice, have decided to emulate him. And so, Facebook has become Us vs Them.

We're one country. We're one nation. We're one family in some specific cases. So, if I say something I think is relatively simple to agree with, "The police should kill fewer people in their custody," and it turns out to disagree with the party line and I get reasons why it's okay to kill people if you're a cop. That's... that's disturbing. That's not listening anymore. It's not seeing me as a person you know and care about. Now I'm just a dissenting opinion and that sucks.

Yes, obviously police can defend themselves. Yes, sometimes a policeman can have someone resist arrest and that person ends up dead, but the punishment for resisting arrest isn't death... but that's not what I was talking about and they know it. But they couldn't ignore the chance for their talking point.

So, since FB had become what it feels like now. Just political sides with no chance for reconciliation, for real relationships... I said before I left, I was losing more than I was gaining by staying. I resisted the urge to leave for a long time because I thought I was a reasonable person. I thought I could see both sides. I hoped to meet people where they were, and engage them in conversation. Not necessarily to change their mind, but to explain mine so they knew I wasn't being willfully stupid that people did in fact sometimes have differing opinions. But I was kidding myself. That wasn't what was happening. Rhetoric matters more now.

So, I left. I was, and am, tired of engaging in that sort of stuff. I'm tired of losing people I care about. Yesterday was a hard one for me. You know how you always feel like you've got certain people in your corner who will at least listen to you? It's sort of like walking down stairs holding a box and you can't tell but you think there's another step and there isn't and your leg jams up into your hip and shakes your whole body? Yeah. That, but in my heart.

So, the only thing I'm keeping is Instagram. It's pictures. Oh, I should be upfront about this. If I express an opinion on my Instagram and you disagree there I'll block you. I'm not on Instagram for debate or conversation. I'm not interested in winning hearts and minds. I'm sharing things I like and that I enjoy. If you don't enjoy them or like them then don't follow me. If you disagree go make your own post. If you think I'm being naive or stupid go say so one your own space but stay off mine.

Comments are turned off for this post. I don't normally do that but in this case, like in the one that caused me to leave Facebook. I'm giving my opinion and, frankly, I don't need yours to inform mine. Yes, that sounds adversarial. I don't mean it that way I simply mean to say I'm allowed to have an opinion. This is what it is. I love the people involved. I feel like a part of me that I could always depend on and rely on to be there is built on sand now. Maybe that's a normal part of growing up. Maybe as we become adults, and at fifty plus I've been adult-aged for a while, maybe we find that we have to rely on new things as we get older. That doesn't mean I can't mourn the loss of what I'd felt was a bedrocklike foundation I'd built my life on... It never occurred to me that I would say "I wish fewer people died at the hands of the police" and my mom would say, "some of them are asking for it."

Blaming the victim hits me hard. Maybe harder than it should. But here we are.

Thank you

I'm not a sentimental person. I tell myself that but I think perhaps I am. Today over on Google+ (Google's alternative to Facebook and my favorite social network) +Susan Lewis posted a link to her blog entitled, "But I WANT to be in jail." Go read it. Seriously. Nothing else I say in here is as well written, heart-felt, powerful, or important than what you'll read on that blog post right now.

Susan works with inmates to try and help them get their lives on track and out of jail. I may have that wrong and if so I apologize. But she works with people MOST people write-off as wastes of skin, air, breath, time because they're criminals. "Lock 'em up and throw away the key!"

I know people in jail & prison. I know people who have been in and are now out and people who are currently out who I would have sworn would be in by now.

Not a day goes by, and that's not an expression, that's an honest description, when I'm not grateful for the luck I had when I drew out my parents in the Mom & Dad lottery in the sky before I was born. Seriously. I had two parents who believed I could do what I set my mind to doing. I was raised to know right from wrong and to know that I had a safe home I could come home to where there'd be food and I'd be out of the rain and I'd be safe. When I was growing up I thought that's how it was for everybody.

As an adult I see that it's not. Not even close. Kids with parents who don't love the, don't even really LIKE them, are out there and that amazes me. I get it. Being a parent is hard. But imagine for a minute how hard it'd be to be a kid without parents? I don't know how I'd have turned out if I were trying to raise myself and that's what I see a lot of out there and that's why every day I thank God my parents thought their kid's feeling safe, secure, fed, and like they were loved, was more important than whatever it is they could have done with all that time and money they spent raising three kids. I know it wasn't easy and I can never pay back what they did for us kids.

So, to my parents, thank you for making sure I felt loved, safe, and fed. Thank you for instilling in me the belief that if I could read the instructions I could probably do whatever it was the instructions were telling me to do. That self-confidence, as misguided as it is sometimes, has me tackling things I have no business tackling, and succeeding at them. I couldn't have done those things, any of them, without you and I love you.

To +Susan Lewis, thank you as well. I see these kids & ache for them, wonder what I can do, how I could help, and I TRY to help... but I don't know how... you put yourself out there and try to mend broken souls every day and you do it and I know it has to hurt when it doesn't work and hell, it probably hurts when it does to see how beaten down these kids have been... Thank you for doing it. You're making the world a better place and not just talking about it. That is amazing.

The upside to getting older

I've got to say out front. I'm not a fan of getting older. Yes. There are advantages: cheaper insurance, much better self-confidence, and a little more patience than I had when I was younger. Those are all great, and go a long way towards peace of mind and general well-being. That said, I'm not a fan of getting older.

An advantage to getting older though that IS worth it is getting to be friends with my parents. Not just friendly, but the mental-age discrepancy and power imbalance of parent/child isn't there any more. I'm old enough now to remember my parents at my age. (If that makes sense to you, cool. If not, just move along. It's not a key thought, just an observation.) It's cool I think to be able to be friends with my parents. It doesn't mean they're perfect or did everything right or that we had a Brady life. It was pretty good and they did really good in my opinion. If I had kids I'd let 'em raise them and that's a compliment... the part where they would say "Hell no! We did our time! You having one just like you is one of our prayers answered!" is beside the point.

I'm just really glad to have both of them still there, and still together, and that they're the kind of people I would want to be friends with. Everybody's not that lucky and I lucked out and drew a good card when they were handing out parents. For that, I'm pretty thankful.

Mini-Vacation

Finishing up my mini-vacation and my parents were here so that was really nice. They'd driven here from my sister's place in Oregon (where they saw their grand-daughter, my niece), stopping by Yellowstone to see my other sister and her family who were vacationing there (with my nephew, Mom & Dad's grandson... as you can see each sister had a kid, and now there is one of each gender, meaning I'm free to NOT make a baby! Woot! Woot!). By the time they made it here they'd been on the road for I think most of a month and they were bearing up very well. Dad had some sort of bug that's going around here even. Some June-fever-crud thing that kicks your butt for a few days and then goes away. If you get it... you didn't get it from me. I haven't gotten it!
We went to The Iowa Machine Shed in Des Moines, home of the giant football-sized cinnamon roll you see in this picture here. Three of us ate on it, but we didn't finish. We could have... we chose not to out of respect for our bodies. :) Damn our good decisions lol! We went to Living History Farms too. There are some pictures over on my flickr site if you're interested. It reminded me of an outdoor museum I went to in Holland as a kid. The re-enactors, I can't remember what they called them, but they were really good and friendly and helpful. If you're in Des Moines it's worth a visit.
They left this morning, Saturday, and I was sorry to see them go. While they were at the house though it was so obvious this apple hadn't fallen far from the tree. After breakfast the three of us, Mom, Dad, and I, were all out on the back patio with coffee and our kindles reading and enjoying the morning cool before we got on with our day. Before they left I showed Mom how to set up a blog here on blogger. Once she gets her blogger legs under her I'll link to her officially if she wants. Of course I set up a link to ME from her for some link-fu lol.
And so tonight I went to see Green Lantern at the theater (Don't bother with 3D. I don't remember anything in it that was 3D enhanced other than the price) and when I got home I watched Justin Bieber's Never Say Never and it was surprisingly good. I know there's a lot of haters out there. But I liked it. So there. :P